Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
