Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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