Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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