It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
