I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
