The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
