i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
