Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
