Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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