so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
