i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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