He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
