So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
