I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
