I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
