Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
