My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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