I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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