Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
