You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
