if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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