last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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