needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
