just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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