Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
