Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
