he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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