Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
