i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't turn off my feet"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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