I got chris browned last night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
