Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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