the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
