i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she told me i tasted like america
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize