If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
