I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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