Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
