My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
