I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
