I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
