the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
