Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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