I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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