If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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