I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
