is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
