Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
