Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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