At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
