Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
well you can't waste a boner
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
