I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
