she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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