Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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