I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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