All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
