the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
