I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
