Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
