Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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