i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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