party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We have started to decorate penises.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I still have a little drunk in my system
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
