Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
