I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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