If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
