So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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