Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
