im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
