omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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