this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
