I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
