I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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