we have pet lesbian snakes
Having a random hookup so left but love u
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
