Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
