I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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