You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
