We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
