You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
