She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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